20 July, 2011

Jillian's 30 day shred: Day 5

Uh, nope. Not doing it. In case you don't know, I live in Ohio. We're having a MAJOR heat wave and I am definitely not used to the 90+ degree heat. Nor am I liking the fact that it was 84 degrees in my house when I got home from work. So, no. I am not working out tonight. Instead, I'm drinking a ton of water and calling it good. Whatever.

And we have a predicted high of 97 degrees tomorrow. So tomorrow is not likely either. Oh well. But I'm not giving up.

On another (but connected) topic, I am really over being single. I just want a stable relationship for once in my life. I want someone to come home to at night. Someone who will not only love me, but love Little I as his own. Someone who will listen when I need to rant, and who will trust me to listen when he needs to rant. I just want love and stability. Not a "perfect" or fairy-tale relationship, just one that works. Fights, disagreements, compromises, and companionship--as long as we work it all out. I want a partner in life and in parenting. I just want what I should have had in the first place.

In order to find the man I want, or let him find me, I need to "fix" myself. I need to be able to love myself, whether or not that means losing weight and changing other aspects of my life.

This is another reason why I'm not going to give up on Jillian's program. Because I *need* to do this for me and Little I and the life we could eventually have.

Okay, I'm done for now. It's bedtime and I'm not prepared to get too deep in my thoughts.

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